


Journey Into Manhood

by HomunculusTrashParty



Category: Fate/Zero
Genre: Humor, M/M, Sex Shop, Sex Toys, Size Difference
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-05
Updated: 2015-06-05
Packaged: 2018-04-03 01:59:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4082437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HomunculusTrashParty/pseuds/HomunculusTrashParty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rider and Waver go shopping for sex toys.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Journey Into Manhood

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift fic I wrote for a friend's birthday a while back.

This had to be _the_ most humiliating experience Waver had ever had in his life. A year ago, or even a week ago, he never would have thought he’d be accompanying a man like Rider to… to a… well, he might as well just say it: a _sex shop._ He’d never had any luck with girls, if they even acknowledged his presence to begin with, so to say that this was a trip out of his comfort zone was an understatement.

Iskander was more confident in matters of sex and dating than Waver ever could have foreseen. In fact, his confidence made Waver nervous—not because he worried that Rider would do anything unseemly, or that he’d hurt him (intentionally, that is—Rider wasn’t really aware of his strength as compared to a _normal-sized_ human); he just found it difficult to keep up. Having studied magic at the expense of all social functions and even at the expense of his own bodily desires had taken its toll on him. 

So when things had finally started to heat up between Rider and himself, it was no surprise that Rider’s enormous… body wasn’t really compatible with Waver’s slight frame. No matter how much he wanted to please his warrior servant, it was a physical impossibility. Oral sex was more or less out of the question, and Waver’s dainty hands weren’t made for exceptional grip.

Until one day, when they’d stumbled upon a group of videos on the internet—well, when Rider had found them and asked Waver loudly, “So I see there are man and boy couples in your age as well! Why did you not avail me of this information, boy? You behave as though we are anathema to your society!” 

Waver had replied, voice shrill with embarrassment, “It’s—it’s not common, is all! Usually it’s the sort of thing you keep secret… Well, it doesn’t have to be, but—”

Of course, Rider had latched onto the ambiguity of his statement and run with it. “Exactly! So why worry, boy? We know not when the final days of battle will consume us, so we must live each day to the fullest, enjoy food and drink and sex as though the next day would be our last!” 

Waver sighed in exasperation but otherwise did not reply. 

“I know what you need, boy,” Rider goaded, one enormous hand on Waver’s opposite shoulder pulling him in for a bizarrely constricting side-hug that had to be breaking laws of physics. “You need to fully experience the pleasures that only men and boys can share together. This is why you have not taken virgins to your bed, is it not?”

Waver’s face burned with humiliation. “I told you, I was at the academy! I didn’t have—I didn’t have time to… take virgins, or whatever it is you’re talking about!” He wanted to shake Rider off to make a point that Rider couldn’t just talk about his complete failure at having a sex life without some kind of consequence, but he was unable to move much in Iskander’s grip.

Rider’s voice softened. “Never fear. The King of Conquerors will make you into a man!” He gestured in midair dramatically, let go of Waver’s shoulder and took his hand, tugging him to his feet. “Come. Are there merchants of sexual goods in your land?”

It took a moment for Waver to realize that Rider had just asked him if there were any sex shops nearby. He did a full-body double take and nearly fell forward but for Rider holding his hand. “I… _what?!_ I mean… yes? I haven’t exactly been looking for them…” Waver pulled out a book and leafed through it, trying to ignore Rider behind him who was quite literally breathing down his neck.

“There! ‘Mistress Haruhi’s: For Adults Only’,” Rider exclaimed triumphantly, a huge finger marking the spot on the page. “Let’s ride!”

“We’re taking the bus,” Waver reminded him in a defeated voice.

“Onward!” Rider continued, undeterred, and galloped out of the house without pants, Waver running after him waving them like a flag in his wake.

 

Public transit was always an adventure with Rider. For one, people wouldn’t quit staring at him. Waver supposed that in Japan, incredibly large red-headed men didn’t exactly fit in. He himself didn’t really fit in either, but no one stood out in a crowd quite like Rider. He even took up two seats on the bus, much to the disapproval of the neighboring elderly woman to his left whose chagrin was only slightly disguised by the book she was reading. 

And if that weren’t bad enough, he was loud. So loud. 

Rider held up the scrap of paper he’d torn out of the phone book before Waver could summon a pen and paper to copy down the address. “How far are we from our destination, boy?” 

Waver cringed at the attention they were gathering every time Rider spoke. “Only a few more stops,” he said in a hushed voice, hoping Rider would get the picture and stay quiet for the remainder of the trip.

When it came time to announce their stop, Rider motioned at the cord with a questioning look and Waver went to pull it. Before he could do so, he heard a loud crack—when he looked back over, he saw that the wire suspended over the seats had broken from two of its fastenings and hung directly over a confused Rider’s head. This time, even he had the decency to look sheepish and the two of them scuttled off the bus before anyone noticed.

“I can’t believe you _broke part of the bus,”_ Waver snarled at him.

“Your modern technology is so flimsy and weak!” Rider retorted. “I recall I had the same problem with your picture box.” 

“That’s right, you broke the bloody television,” continued Waver angrily. 

“Is it fault of mine that when your summoning wand to change the pictures did not cooperate, that I had to use an alternative strategy?”

“You _threw the remote at the telly,”_ exclaimed Waver. 

Rider looked miffed, then suddenly he put his arm around Waver tightly. “I apologize, boy. Come, let us enter this shop.” 

Waver wanted to escape the embrace—he was so worried what people would say—but his body refused to even try. There was something about Rider’s hugs, even as painfully tight as they tended to be, that filled him with warmth.

Rider had to let go to open the door for him, though, so Waver looked in meekly, then was shoved forward into the store with an encouraging pat on the rear. There were purple curtains on the windows for privacy and for a boudoir feel; this place definitely seemed marketed to women, with lingerie in every window, vibrators of all kinds and other toys, books and video tapes of erotica. Waver felt awkward and emasculated—not that it was easy to feel like a man when Rider was standing next to him. 

“Amazing! Modern culture astounds me,” Rider exclaimed as he prodded and picked up every object within arm’s reach. “What does this device do?” he asked, holding up a large, luridly pink jeweled cock ring.

Waver blushed to his hairline and snatched it out of Rider’s hand. “Don’t touch anything,” he hissed, returning the cock ring to its shelf and knocking over two glass dildos in the process.

The noise alerted the shopkeeper to their presence, and a timid young woman appeared from a back room shielded by even more curtains. “Irasshaimase,” she greeted them cheerfully with a bow. Waver bowed and jabbed Rider in the ribcage until he remembered to bow as well. 

When he was able to ascertain that the shopkeeper did indeed speak English, Waver felt a bit more relaxed, but Rider’s antics were like preventing a golden retriever from happily tackling its loved ones. He felt like he had to follow Rider around to keep him from touching and breaking things. 

“Hello,” Waver greeted her. “My… _friend_ and I are looking for something today.” Waver gestured to where Rider was standing near him, until he realized Rider was no longer there. “Rider!”

In a nearby corner, Rider was looking at lingerie. “In my realm, we had cloth of greater quality,” he said disdainfully at a waiflike nightie barely suspended on a hanger by impossibly thin straps. Then he realized he was being summoned by Waver and stood at attention, returning to Waver’s side.

Waver swallowed hard. “We are… we are looking for a—a—”

“The boy needs preparation for the love of a man,” Rider finished triumphantly.

Waver froze and wished desperately that he could sink into the floor. 

“Oh!” the girl replied without missing a beat. “Perhaps this would be to your liking?” She gestured to a wall in the back of the room of shelves covered in phalluses of all the varieties Waver could imagine and then some configurations and colors that baffled him.

Rider and Waver viewed an exhausting number of dildos, with Rider picking up every single one of them and pantomiming thrusting them until Waver finally glowered at him to stop. Rider pouted in response and put them back. 

“Our objective is this. You require an intermediary between your youthful rear and my kingly manhood,” Rider mused, stroking his beard as he examined the array of silicone toys in front of them. Waver cringed and stayed silent. 

Then Rider finally selected a toy that didn’t look terrifying. “Will this suit you?” 

Waver swallowed his nerves and tried to think clearly. The toy Rider held was a luridly purple dildo not intended to look real. But the size looked reasonable, and the shape looked natural and pleasurable. “M-May I see it?” he asked meekly. 

Rider broke into a grin with far too many teeth and shoved it into Waver’s face. 

Waver took it in his hands, weighing it, trying to imagine how it would feel. The texture was smooth, but the purple color seemed… strange, to say the least. 

Rider saw his discomfort and, surprisingly, figured out the source of it. “Would you prefer a phallus that looks real?” he asked, this time with gentleness. Waver nodded. Rider went to the shopkeeper and asked her in a low voice if they carried other colors. He returned with a dildo that was analogous to his own skin tone. 

“I… okay,” Waver affirmed, still embarrassed but satisfied with their choice. “We’re… we’re gonna want some—some, uh. Lubricant,” he finished in a hushed whisper. “So it doesn’t hurt.”

Rider clapped him on the back so hard it nearly knocked him sprawling. “Of course,” he exclaimed. “But first, boy, I am wondering about these unique phalluses in the corner. Never have I seen men with such thick, long endowment. What sort of men exist in these times, that such phalluses are modeled to emulate?” 

Waver went over to see what Rider was looking at, and gasped. “R-Rider… those…” He lowered his voice. “Those are _animal dildos.”_

Rider’s heavy brow furrowed. “Do the people of your world fornicate with beasts?”

“No!” Waver yelled anxiously. “No. It’s against the law. They’re… for play only. You know, for fantasy.” He couldn’t _believe_ he was talking about this, with Rider of all people, in public. He tried to explain. “Your people have myths and stories, right?”

Rider nodded. “Of course. All great civilizations do.”

“Well,” Waver began, “Some people are… are attracted to mythical animals, like dragons. Don’t ask me why,” he qualified immediately when he saw Rider open his mouth to ask a question. “But dragons don’t exist, at least not here… and it’s illegal to have—to ‘fornicate’ with animals,” he stammered, gesturing to an excessively large horse dildo leaning against a wall. “So, people use these toys instead.” 

“Mmm,” Rider mused, looking each of them over. “Hah! Modern man is more creative than I had ever thought possible!” 

Was Waver imagining things, or did Rider sound _impressed?_ “You… you’re not…?” 

Rider gave a hearty laugh. “When in Rome, do as the Romans do, eh, boy? Is that not one of your expressions?” 

Waver’s whole body sighed dejectedly. “I suppose so,” he mumbled.

“Splendid!” Rider picked up and squeezed various toys, each of them larger and more absurd than the last, until he settled on a long, thick dildo, off-white in color. It was even bigger than his own, and it had a thick knot at the base. 

Waver couldn’t believe his eyes. Rider was about to buy a _knotted dildo,_ and somehow, Waver was supposed to use it on him? He’d barely be able to wrap his hands around it!

Then again, maybe it was for… solo use. Waver’s cheeks went pink at the thought, for which he chastised himself internally. 

“Right! Let us continue,” Rider said triumphantly, and they went to look at lubricants. Waver explained to Rider what a condom was and why they were necessary; Rider went to ask the shopkeeper for the largest size available. With a girlish giggle she provided them, looking Rider up and down coquettishly.

After viewing a dizzying array of lubricants with ridiculous names like “Sassy Booty”, “Cum Get A Taste”, and “Trouser Snake Oil”, they made their selection, a relatively innocuous water-based lube. Waver had insisted they purchase something at the shop rather than using lard or whatever unorthodox suggestion Rider was about to make.

Finally, they were on their way, Rider carrying their shopping bag (which could have been more discreet, Waver thought, but it didn’t matter anymore), and they returned home with their purchases. 

“Well, boy,” Rider began as he shed his pants in the doorway, Waver glaring at him as he bent to pick them up and followed Rider into his bedroom, “shall we put our wares to the test?”

“N-Now?” 

“Why not now? The eve of battle will be upon us sooner than we realize. Men lay with their wives or boys not knowing when or if they will do so again. Do not forget the task that lies before us.” Rider pulled the toys out of the bag and affectionately set them on a shelf nearby next to Waver’s textbooks, for which he earned a look of protest that he promptly ignored.

“Well—it’s just that I—” Waver examined his fingers idly, refusing to meet Rider’s gaze. 

Rider’s face softened, and he sat down on the floor next to Waver. “Are you not ready?” He put his arm around Waver’s narrow shoulders, without squeezing or pulling him against Rider’s rock-hard chest. “Tell me what I must do. Shall we watch the naked men rutting like animals inside your picture box again?” 

Waver sputtered. “No, absolutely not,” he insisted, the memory making him cringe. “I… I don’t know, Rider.”

“Ah, I recall something,” Rider mused, stroking his bearded chin. “You have not taken virgins or boys to your bed. Perhaps it is that you fear your journey into manhood. Do not be afraid, Waver Velvet. I am your servant, and I will see to it that before the quest consumes us, you come to know the love that only men and boys can share.” He hugged Waver with his arm and got up to grab their purchases. “I will provide a demonstration of the physical act of love,” he volunteered, and pulled his tight-fitting shirt over his head. 

“Wait— _what?”_ Waver immediately covered his eyes and made a shrill cry. 

“Feast your eyes upon my manhood, boy!” Rider immediately dropped the pair of shorts he wore as underwear and stood proudly naked. Waver’s eyes nearly popped out of his head at the absurdity of it all—the way Rider’s veins popped out of his skin, and his bizarrely cut musculature, and his completely ridiculous… “manhood”, as he called it. When Waver had given up an ordinary life to study magic, this had not been what he expected to come of it. He was torn between frustration with Rider’s antics and… another sort of frustration altogether.

“I see that my physique impresses you,” Rider said, pleased with himself. “There are few who have felt the true might of Iskander, King of Conquerors, though many have thrown themselves at my feet in the hope that they might do so.” He straightened up to his full height, looking proudly out the window, where an old woman in the middle of the street had stopped dead in her tracks.

“Rider--!” Waver got up immediately and shut the curtains angrily, though not without noticing the naughty smile on his neighbor’s face. “You can’t just stand naked in front of an open window like that! Someone saw you!”

“Aye, and she approved,” Rider replied cheerfully. 

Waver stormed off and plunked himself down in the corner of the room, in between the foot of his bed and the wall. This was ridiculous, and humiliating, and—

“Boy?” Rider sounded concerned. He crawled over to where Waver was sitting, very much still naked, his absurdly large cock completely out in the open and dragging between his thighs as he approached. “Have I offended you?”

The sight was so silly that Waver’s frustration turned to giggles, and Rider joined in, his loud, raucous laughter filling the room. Suddenly all the anxieties of the day were melting away as Waver’s whole body shook with mirth. 

“No, you haven’t offended me,” Waver said when he could breathe again, wiping tears from his eyes. “It’s just—I can’t believe… you’re my servant, and we got—we got _involved,_ and we went to a _sex shop_ of all things and you bought an animal dildo and…” He burst into giggles again. 

“Strange things happen every day,” Rider agreed with a smile. “I for one, right now, am glad to have you as my master.” He offered Waver his hand to help him up out of the corner. “Let us begin, boy. If we are to fight and die like men, we should love like men. What say you?”

“I—all right,” Waver conceded, still giggling. He took Rider’s hand and was pulled bodily on top of him, where his laughter turned to sighs. 

Rider grinned at him. “This is my idea: I will use the beast phallus on myself, if you are able to receive my manhood without pain.”

Waver winced as he glanced at Rider’s cock. That thing was enormous! Was Rider joking?! “I—I don’t think that’s such a good idea… I mean… won’t it hurt?”

“We won’t know unless we try,” Rider replied. “Hand me your phallus.” Waver handed over the dildo, eying Rider warily, and braced himself.

Hours later, they lay collapsed in a heap, Rider with an exhausted look on his face, Waver with a disappointed grimace.

“I did not care for your peoples’ beast phallus,” Rider grumbled from where he lay on the ground. “The base was too large. Surely this phallus is only suitable for fornicating with Cerberus. What sort of man enjoys such an act?” 

“Why are you asking me?!” The shrill note in Waver’s voice made him sound like a petulant child. “It’s just a weird fetish thing, Rider. Some people are… unconventional, I guess. I don’t know, it’s not like I have”—his voice lowered to a whisper— _“animal dildos_ lying around everywhere, do I?”

“No, I suppose not.” A few moments passed, both of them staring at the ceiling. “Are you well, boy? Do you feel like a man yet? How is your rear?”

“Awful. I told you it wouldn’t fit,” Waver snarled, rubbing his sore ass and curling into a ball.

“How was I to know you had the constitution of a young girl?” Rider protested, still naked as the day he was born, arms and legs outstretched across the floor, limbs fluid and languid. His oversized cock and balls hung limply between his legs in defeat. “I tried, did I not?”

“There isn’t enough lube in the _world_ to make that fit,” Waver complained, exhausted. “Even the dildo hurt. Even your _fingers_ hurt. They’re like giant sausages,” he groaned.

“I am sorry, boy.” The apology was sincere, and Rider reached over to where Waver was curled up, one large hand stroking Waver’s back with surprising gentleness. “How shall I make it up to you? There are no monsters for me to slay in your honor, and the Grail War isn’t upon us quite yet.” 

As per usual, Waver was torn between laughter and frustration. “Just… let’s just relax, okay?” 

“All right, boy.”

A few minutes passed, Waver enjoying Rider’s touch on his back.

“Rider?”

“Yes, boy?”

“I… we’ll figure something out, right?” He didn’t like how weak and needy he sounded, but he had to admit, at this point he was invested, and there was no turning back.

Rider was silent for a moment, mulling the idea over in his head. After an agonizingly long time he spoke.

“I never accept defeat, boy. We may have lost the battle, but we’ll win the war.”

Waver chuckled despite himself and scooted closer to Rider, curling up against him and putting one hand on Rider’s massive chest. “Let’s win the war tomorrow then,” he mumbled into Rider’s skin, and the two of them fell asleep, the most promising of masters and servants, laying buck ass naked on the hardwood floor.


End file.
